Time Does Not Heal

We are ordinarily broken people. Take a minute to think about what that means; that as beautiful as we are on the outside, we carry uncountable layers of baggage on the inside. It’s neither an insult nor a jab to anyone’s ego, it’s the plain truth and I’m happy to have noticed a lot of people also admit to this in recent times. I am broken, you are broken, we are all broken but we are not without hope as that’s not where the story ends. If anything, it’s the very beginning of what makes us human. I am learning a lot about how our existence and behaviours are products of our cumulative experiences, including experiences we remember clearly, those we hold vague memories of and those we may not even remember. They all come together to form the beautiful mess that we are and if we admit that we are broken, it must then mean that life is really just a long journey of healing.

A cool photo of me that I can use as cover image of this story

The Theory

Healing. Now, that’s the highlight. In our quest for healing, we’ve heard people talk about how time heals all wounds. But I’ve come to realize that not only is that false, it also stands in the way of us acknowledging and receiving the things that truly heal us. Time does not heal. It only possesses the power to allow healing take place. Time is a double-edged sword that can either create room for us to heal or become even more broken. I am no expert at this, neither am I a teacher but a lot of my understanding of the complexities of life come from my experiences with very little things. It is on this premise that I am beginning to understand what healing entails and I am now ready to share some of this with you. Stay with me.

The Observation

I had a stye on my eye. Styes are often caused by bacteria causing blockage on an eyelash follicle or eyelid gland. Depending on how tender, a stye may grow slowly over weeks to months before it finally shoots out. Like an unwelcome visitor, ‘my’ stye came with an itch and audaciously assumed position at the base of my right eye. Asides its interference with my astounding beauty, it wasn’t something I worried about because styes are “normal” and on very rare occasions, causes threat to the bearer’s health. My plan was to wait it out because I had read about how they eventually disappear in a week or two and so I started waiting, putting absolutely no effort to hasten its disappearance. A day became two and two days became a week but the only change I noticed was that the stye had gotten much bigger, uglier and extremely uncomfortable to the point where it affected my vision — at this point, I was basically operating with just one eye but I somehow still wasn’t worried because I knew I just needed more time but this time, backed up with action. I eventually decided to get it checked at a local pharmacy where some antibiotics, eye drop and eye ointment were prescribed. What stood out for me was the pharmacist’s comment on how I had to use all of these prescriptions every single day until they finished, not only to cause the current stye to disappear but to also prevent another from growing out. I’m not a huge fan of drugs but I made the decision to finish the prescription regardless of whether I observed short-term improvement, because the level of discomfort I was feeling was not something I would like to experience again. By the second day of using the prescriptions, I noticed some improvement and by the fourth day, it had started to lessen and dry out. I also made sure not to tamper with it regardless of how fast I really wanted it to go away. Today makes it exactly 3 weeks since this ‘visitor’ arrived and although it seems to have completely disappeared, on closer look at my eye, I notice there’s still a mark that indicates that it is still in the process of healing. I make sure to not be worried about it while I continue in my usage of the eye drop that was prescribed. I intend to do this until it goes completely flat.

Different stages of the stye

The Analysis

To be honest, I could end this article right here because the lessons about healing are clear but for the sake of precision, let me share a few things:

1. Time is not a healer: waiting for the stye to disappear with time without taking necessary steps to treat it only created room for it to get uglier. Certainly, time does not heal, it is only an instrument that creates room for your healing to take place. Ultimately, we have the responsibility to identify the styes that have been formed in our lives over time. It could be childhood trauma, bad relationships/marriages, a joy-snatching job, loss of a loved one, sour friendships, seemingly unfulfilled promises — it could be anything at all. But, we are never going to heal from these things if we leave them solely up to time’s passing. It’s why, for example, I get confused when we assume that things will be better in the new year JUST because it’s a new year. I acknowledge the joy that comes with entering a new year but I also acknowledge that if nothing is actively done to make things better, it’s only going to be a change in the days of week and months of the year, not an improvement of the situation that causes pain. Here’s the thing: even if I did not get prescriptions for the stye, it probably was going to heal and this is because on the inside of the human body, natural procedures take place that eventually get rid of bacteria, make certain deformities disappear and bring the body back to the point of equilibrium as long as we nourish our bodies daily. How do you think physical wounds heal? This proves that procedures need to take place for healing of any form to happen and while we may not always see the process, we cannot underestimate our ability to feel when it starts happening.
2. Healing is uncomfortable: was it the way my eye constantly itched? Or how I couldn’t scratch to ease the itch ? Or the way I couldn’t see clearly with that eye at some point? In the same vein, healing is altogether an uncomfortable process. I reckon that we ignore the situations that hurt us because ignorance is by far easier than grabbing the things that hurt us by the balls and saying “Hey, you will not have this power over me again.” And so, we create an illusion of healing by building fences rather than taking on the real challenge. It is important that we never romanticise healing as much as we try to embrace the true version of it. The fact remains that in healing, the process is pain but the result is peace. And I do not refer to the version of “peace” that is driven by malice or resentment towards the people or things that broke us; I refer to THE peace that is anchored by acknowledgment of mistakes, forgiveness of self & others and love for all including those that hurt us. It is the combination of these things that truly make us whole again.
3. Be diligent with the things that heal you: the pharmacist was right when he advised me to finish the prescriptions, not just to heal the current stye but to prevent another one from growing. If you permit me to be your “pharmacist” for a second, I’ll say this — do not forsake the things that heal you, be consistent with them and hold on to them diligently. Life is really just a long journey of us healing from one event to another. Therefore, everything you learn in one phase of healing will be applicable in the next phase because it doesn’t get better because of/regardless of time, it gets better with time. So, take your drugs, go to therapy, sleep, experience retail therapy, have those difficult conversations, cry, reach peaceful resolutions with one another, keep no records of wrongs after wrongs have been unpacked, but most importantly, continue to seek the one true God through Jesus Christ, He is the only one who heals us in all the places we do not see.

The Conclusion

Apart from ‘my’ stye, I’m in the process of healing from an experience that shook my cores. Something that was so clear to me has become the haziest detail of my life now and it is such an uncomfortable position to be in. I do not know what the future holds but I am healing and I remain hopeful. It is with this hope that I pray that you are discerning enough to identify the things that have hurt you, that you embrace the true meaning of forgiveness and that you receive strength to grow through the process of your healing. Above all, I pray that you get to know Christ for YOU so that you may come into full understanding of His love — the love that heals and conquers all. Amen.

“The Lord heals the brokenhearted and he binds up their wounds” — Psalm 147:3